November 03, 2005

Breast. Feeding. Yes, You Heard Right


Afternoon tea
Originally uploaded by GeoWombats.
Yup. That’s what I’ve been doing, hunched over in front of my PC in the office. Writing a guide on breastfeeding. Anyone who’s known me for even close to 7 seconds will respond with: “You? Write a guide? On breastfeeding?!!”. I might as well have announced that I’ve been writing a book on gorilla-scalping.

“What do you know about breastfeeding?” they ask incredulously.

Well, the closest I’ve ever gotten to developing anything even remotely resembling maternal instincts is touching the dog-eared tip of an Anne Geddes photo (in the process of tossing it into the dustbin). I am not married, have no kids and I am physically incapable of making cooing noises or performing any of those infantile antics adults usually perform to entertain babies. So I guess the answer to that question is obvious: nothing.

But after a couple of months on the project, I’d like to share 7 things I have learned:

1. Breast milk is best for baby.

2. Contrary to popular belief, breastfeeding does not make your boobs sag. It’s them blasted childbirth and gravity that turn your boobs into hanging tubes of flesh (yes, and this is supposed to make women feel better how?). I’m not entirely convinced about this but my boss and/or some doctors on the editorial panel may be reading this, so this is purely self-preservation.

3. Breastfeeding’s like really fulfilling and makes you feel like super-mom and all that.

4. You’ve gotta breastfeed the baby a zillion times a day and another zillion times in the dead of the night.

5. You can’t yell at your husband or call him a good-for-nothing #@%@@#!! while you’re breastfeeding the baby because this will disrupt the bonding process. You should also not be watching anything disturbing like horror movies, porn or any Mariah Carey music video while breastfeeding.

6. If you breastfeed right, your baby’s poop should be mustard-yellow in colour with tiny little seed-like things in them. It may be watery and look like diarrhea but rest assured, it's not. Well, not unless he’s pooping 24/7 and stinking up the house, in which case you should bring him to your friendly neighbourhood paed.

7. You may or may not know this but babies bite. Hard.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nice Blog!!!   I thought I'd tell you about a site that will let give you places where
you can make extra cash! I made over $800 last month. Not bad for not doing much. Just put in your
zip code and up will pop up a list of places that are available. I live in a small area and found quite
a few. MAKE MONEY NOW

Anonymous said...

China Reportedly Shuts Down Blog
Chinese authorities have blocked a pro-democracy Web log after it was nominated for a freedom of expression award by a German radio station, a press freedom group said Thursday.
Find out how to buy and sell anything, like things related to how to repair a road bicycle on interest free credit and pay back whenever you want! Exchange FREE ads on any topic, like how to repair a road bicycle!

Anonymous said...

Sony will offer a copy-protection patch
After a chorus of criticism, Sony Corp.'s music division said Wednesday it is distributing a free software patch toreveal hidden files that automatically installed to hard drives when some of its music CDs were ...
Find out how to buy and sell anything, like things related to georgia highway construction on interest free credit and pay back whenever you want! Exchange FREE ads on any topic, like georgia highway construction!

Anonymous said...

Sony will offer a copy-protection patch
After a chorus of criticism, Sony Corp.'s music division said Wednesday it is distributing a free software patch toreveal hidden files that automatically installed to hard drives when some of its music CDs were ...
Find out how to buy and sell anything, like things related to highway construction project on interest free credit and pay back whenever you want! Exchange FREE ads on any topic, like highway construction project!

Anonymous said...

Sony will offer a copy-protection patch
After a chorus of criticism, Sony Corp.'s music division said Wednesday it is distributing a free software patch toreveal hidden files that automatically installed to hard drives when some of its music CDs were ...
Find out how to buy and sell anything, like things related to company construction mn road on interest free credit and pay back whenever you want! Exchange FREE ads on any topic, like company construction mn road!

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed reading some of your posts. I have a
nascar site. You can find everything from nascar as well as info on all your favorite drivers, the 2005 Nascar schedule, how to get cheap Nascar tickets, track info and more. Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Rod

Anonymous said...

Your blog is outstanding! I can advise you to go on this website if you're looking for scommesse online . You'll find only scommesse online

Anonymous said...

Hey!
It's like you knew what I was looking for... I found your blog and felt right at home. (added a bookmark - hope that's okay...)

I have a blog you may like so come check me out. I'm working on a site aboutdog houses, mostly about dog houses and things.

Thanks for your awesome work here. I'll be back!
~~

Anonymous said...

May you live in exciting times
But the "old media" is alive and well here in the former capital of French Indochina.
Find out how to buy and sell anything, like things related to highway construction project on interest free credit and pay back whenever you want! Exchange FREE ads on any topic, like highway construction project!

Anonymous said...

Consumers sing copy-protection blues
Complaints continue to mount regarding a controversial CD copy-protection initiative by Sony BMG Music Entertainment.
Find out how to buy and sell anything, like things related to company construction mn road on interest free credit and pay back whenever you want! Exchange FREE ads on any topic, like company construction mn road!

marsha said...

This is what I posted back in my own blog to your comment in mind....

maw ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! You????? Winnie???? Breastfeeding?????? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!

You're kidding. You're not Winnie!!!

LaundryAmah said...

Amah! How come didn't blog for so long one?? Me started blogging only recently...hehehe..